Umm I'm too high to move.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
