YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
