hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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