we have pet lesbian snakes
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
