I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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