He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
