Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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