the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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