The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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