yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
