they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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