real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
