I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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