so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
