I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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