his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
