How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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