Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
