I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
