You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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