I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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