We won't sleep together?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And then he peed in my hair
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