She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
