All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I won the penis lottery.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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