i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
