i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
