if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
