Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize