Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this hospital has no fireball
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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