dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
