How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He did a backflip because drugs
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