and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
