Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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