This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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