Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
