i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize