arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
