In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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