Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
