Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
