I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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