so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
