I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
