my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
worst night to have a conscience
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
