guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
