I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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