when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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