Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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