does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
