just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
