you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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