If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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