My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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