grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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