It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
