Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
