I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
