While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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