Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
