my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
