I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just had sex bonerless
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
