So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
