so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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