Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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