when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just high enough for therapy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
