If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
