I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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